'Without able-bodied women I'd never have sex' | BBC Stories
she thought I would be good at oral because I was in a wheelchair my axe was regularly asked by people if he was my carer you can be just as sexy just as
attractive as somebody else have you got heist in your bathroom use it as a sexswing yeah there's only people who have sex as well the super people do I can have sex but the vaults are people in 2020 this is still a mind-blowing concept I remember ask for a sex growing up and the only answer I have really got what I don't
know oh I'm sure you wash it out so I want to see if other table people has similar experiences to me hi my name's Aaron Simmons and I am a stand-up comedian I have cerebral palsy the sexiest of other disabilities is a scarring in the brain tissue I'm
able to walk for about 5-10 minutes I can stand up for about 20 minutes but generally use a wheelchair which is a lot more comfortable for me so usually when I first meet someone I'll be very independent and I'll carry my workshop the stairs and all that kind
of stuff and it's the same tree of sex like I want to prove that disabled people who are able to have sex properly and then there's only when I get into a sort of more long-term thing where I'm like oh she knows I'm capable I don't need to
do anything more my name is Ian Allen I have something called ehlers-danlos syndrome and it causes my joints to this okay over 100 times a day so standing up is pretty challenging ehlers-danlos makes me – mobile and I've had taxi drivers when I've explained for ehlers-danlos is say
stuff like oh so you must be great in bed than if you're really bendy and I can't see them doing that there's someone evil bodied and when he started using a wheelchair did you feel like perception towards you was like a sexual being changed completely like just major
things like going to A&E in a wheelchair they suddenly stopped bothering doing pregnancy tests because I was in a wheelchair it didn't matter that they should be doing them for everyone of childbearing age I just didn't count anymore from my only experiences I know this is a common
feeling so I wanted to talk to Emily James who's an expert in sex and disability to see how things can improve I'm a manual wheelchair user with cerebral palsy and I work within the field of disability in sex I think disabled people are still seen as unattractive childlike
and it's almost seen as wrong or even criminal to be attracted to somebody who's disabled so how do you think we can change around I think really it's all around education and awareness I think it's massively massively important that we introduce inclusive sex education in schools and that's
not just so people can understand that disabled people as sexual beings too but it's so that disabled people can understand the capabilities of their own bodies I can't help thinking that if sex education have been in any way inclusive I would have saved myself a lot of insecurity
and alienation listed online even really basic things like the textbooks having people and we're in wheelchairs or the textbooks having people on crutches or with prosthetics or just something and something as simple as that being in a textbook would make all the difference disabled women are almost twice
as likely to experience sexual assault as non-disabled women this happens for quite a few different reasons that can actually be mitigated through good education and awareness so first of all of course as deaf and disabled women we are more vulnerable than a non-disabled woman that's a fact that's
not gonna change overnight you've got deaf and disabled women who are either seen as asexual or hyper sexualized so without those tools up your sleeve and without that knowledge that you so desperately need to have you can either be shunned by society by seen as somebody who's not
capable of having sex doesn't want to have it or you shouldn't by society it has been somebody who's too keen to have sex because they're fetishized by it got catheter swimmin a catheter Support Group and we regularly have guys in it lie about having catheters in order to
read about girls with them to get off essentially so there's always some element of trying to make sure someone likes you rather than someone likes the devices that you happen to have actually to preserve ourselves to be able to give consent that relates around our own access needs
and requirements we need that information and that education that's a fact we are just like everybody else we have the same desires and it is possible it might be slightly trickier it might need slightly more effort but it's not an impossibility I'm quite forthright in saying oh no
I can't do that there's been very little where I've gone I really wish I could do that but it hasn't really come up a lot of sexist communication and if you're paying attention to each other then both of you can have a better time it's a bit with
the people assume that I that I would only go out with the same people like I have enough trouble attracting women like if I was to rule out all able-bodied women my chances of getting laid are so slim quite often we think about the positions that we can't
do and the pen that's that's gonna cause and how awkward this conversations gonna be when actually you know what you can be just a sexy just as attractive as somebody else if you got hoist in your bathroom use it as a sex swing if you've got any grab
rails by your bed put some handcuffs on them do you know what I mean this mode will be appropriate for you Phil body is about changing our mindset around what we deem to be sexy and what we deem to be appropriate and when that's changed hope that we
can have a lot more satisfactory fun and of course a sexual relationships at the end of the day disability inclusion is to go beyond just ramps disabled identity is more than hospitals and Paralympics and my TM is an sex ed need to reflect that you
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